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25/03/09

I dunno if this will be my last post but I'm really very tired... very very tired... ppl keep shouting around me & u keep saying i'm demanding... i'm actually weak than anyone.... just like what kendy & poh meng said...pull me down once, pull me down twice, i really cant take it when u pull me down the third time. I really dunno how to be ur girlfriend... dunno how to stop complaining,dunno how to be not demanding...i know it's actually all my fault...i'm actually lucky coz i've actually tried a lot of new things that many ppl might neva have a chance to get even 1% of what i've tried...i know u r frustrated when i say i wanna die but if i really got the chance, i'll rather the one who got cancer is me...if there muz be a person to die in my family due to illness, i would rather that's me... so ppl like u & mum wun be saying i'm wasting time or not be grateful, if all things i got transfer to my brother, i'm very sure he will be a very happy person now.... mayb among 10 person 10 will say the see no reason i should try to end my life but u guys are not me...sometimes i dun even know wht myself want... to me human is damn simple & tiny, i can say t very easy to live happily everyday but i'm really not tht tough tht how outside ppl see me..... sometimes i really feel very sufferhen after argue with u & nag by mum... which i always tell myself i can't have this kinda feeling but i just cant change my attitude...i want to but i cant... how to change i really dunno..wht i know is just keep crying...i kknow the world will keep turning without my existance, ppl will tend to forget a person says after 2 or 3 years... ask my brother friends..who will really rmb him after 4 yrs...who can actually recall how he look like....things will neva change.. but i really enough of the world..i'm even tired to type now...have nth to leave for u all..wht i left is all the debts & mistake i did... i need someone to cerrish me but u need someone to support which u can say i din support u at all..i really dunno how u define support but i keep trying & u say i din....mayb to u is really nth..so sorry bout that...sorry that i lie on u... cant even sleep wit my head bursting, but soon..i think i'll sleep peacefully.... sorry to everyone if i really disappointed all of u... really feel very tired d.....................................................till then